He asked politely would I like an umbrella escort to my car…
The rain had already slowed to a drizzle, so I didn’t really see the point anymore. I started to decline his offer because, of course, I was perfectly capable of making it to my car under those conditions (it was barely even raining), but I stopped myself before saying no.
And,…out of the blue, I surprised myself completely by saying, I’d appreciate it!
You see, I’m generally a pretty independant girl. I’ve been single a while now, so I’m pretty good at fending for myself. I pretty much got it (whatever it is). This “umbrella” incident made me realize, the more time I spend as a single girl, the less I need (or expect) what most men seem to want to offer, protection, advice, a strong arm, leadership… Please understand,…I’ve been taking care of these things, …well, pretty much on my own and making it. Whatever I need done in the “manly” category, I’ve either figured out how to do it myself, or I hire someone to do it….So the question comes down to,.. what’s left?
What do I do or say to a man’s offer for help? And better yet, what does my acceptance of help really mean (to me, ..to him)? How do we remain independent and still allow a man to be a man?
You see, for a long while, I was in the habit of rejecting any man’s offer of help or assistance. Sorry, it wasn’t to be mean, it was just a necessary step in learning how to be self-sufficient, capable and strong on my own – a level of personal development, I guess. I know I probably came across as being uber independent (a bitch) and maybe even a bit stuck up, but I didn’t care. I wasn’t looking for a relationship anyway. I was trying to find my own way.
But today things are different and I understand so much more about myself. I’m a lot more clear about what I want and I’m not afraid of getting run over by anyone’s agenda anymore. So now that I’m interested in attracting the friendship and partnership of men again, I realize that accepting an offer for assistance is a choice I get to make. I may not need it, but I can indeed want it for different reasons.
As I said before, it surprised me when I said yes, but in a good way.
And so it was that day, I walked to my car under his black umbrella, knowing all the while it was NEVER about needing it, or expecting it. It had nothing to do with weakness and everything to do with human kindness – allowing him to demonstrate a level of caring that can be rare these days, a real gem in a world filled with a whole lot of “who cares.”
As independant women it can be tough sometimes to allow men to be kind to us. And I get that – I’ve been there and know that a lot of those feelings are fueled by our fears of giving in or being controlled. But beyond male and female, there’s just an incredible need for sharing and caring among us. We never stop needing attention. We don’t have to block others from caring about us just because we can fend for ourselves.